Dry January Day 17

Yes it’s empty.

But I am broken. I’m over the edge. My soul has been sucked. Snow day witching hour reared its ugly whiny attitude-y head in my house this evening and broke me.

Yes it’s empty.

But:

1) At least it’s not an empty bottle of wine; and

2) I am still getting a blue dot thanks to the delish 1-smart point turkey chili I made for dinner.

So at least there’s #snowdaygoals!

Beyond that, I have the two most amazing children in the world. Like, I actually believe that. As every parent does. I actually believe that my two kids are the greatest human beings to ever grace this planet.

But they can be real assholes.

And tonight they broke me.

I cried, they cried, and then after awhile we talked it out, we read some books. We returned to our regularly scheduled bedtime.

I tucked in my son who said, “I’m trying to be a better boy, Mama.” And I believe him.

I tucked in my daughter and we agreed, she and I, to be kinder to each other. To speak to each other with less attitude and more empathy. We both broke down tonight and now we are in cahoots. We will build each other back up again tomorrow with love and kindness. I hope.

I was broken. And I’m exhausted. But I shudder to think of what shape I would be in right now if this were 18 days ago. If my kids had behaved this way 18 days ago, with the whining and the attitude and the stubbornness. I would have started drinking before 5. I would have eaten anything and everything I could get my hands on that would give me a mere moment of comfort. I would have thought, well I blew it tonight so I might as well not track the rest of the week.

And I never could have ended this day with grace.

But I did. My kids and I, together, ended a witching hour for the ages with grace, and understanding, and love.

So yes, the pint is empty. I didn’t need to eat it all, but I did. And that’s ok. This evening held smaller and more significant triumphs.

And tomorrow is a new day.

 

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