Day 16. What was notable about this day? The fact that it felt just fine, thank you. Normal. Steady. And even though my dog woke me up at 5am and I did a 6am Peloton spin class, I have not crashed all day.
I felt noticeably more patient with my kids, too. Before Dry January, I would need to have wine to get through the witching hour and then by story time I would be irritable and impatient, overwhelmed by how much I still had to do. Tonight, after we finished their stories, I sat with my kids and we just chatted. We snuggled, we took stock of the day. Together. No rush. And I still got them to bed on time and came downstairs to cook a delish dinner.
So tonight, I delight in normalcy. No, in NEW normalcy. A happier, more patient and energized, less anxious normal. And even though it feels normal it also feels miraculous.
My 6-year-old daughter made her debut in the octagon tonight for a sparring session with her MMA coach. She just started “black belt training” and so she usually spends a few minutes after class sparring with her coach in the regular studio. Tonight, he let her use the octagon and sparred with her for a good 20 minutes. Because he sees what a hard worker she is. And he knows how much she loves the challenge of learning martial arts. Was she intimidated by going into a giant cage to spar, while I and all the adults who were filtering into the 6:30 class were watching? No. She just went for it. And she did great!
I have been in my own mental octagon for 15 days now, battling against a foe. Trying to learn to anticipate its next move and get ahead of it. I’ve stumbled a bit. But I haven’t been knocked down. I’m still standing, still sparring, hoping my gloves will start to feel lighter and lighter as the days wear on.
My daughter’s goal in life is to be a superhero. And a mommy. She is my “why” and she inspires me to no end.
And with 15 days of Dry January under my (admittedly, not black) belt, I feel like I am becoming the mommy I have always wanted to be.
Two weeks without alcohol. Take a deep breath and let that sink in. I’m relieved, I’m proud, I’m grateful.
It has been a breakthrough weekend over here. And that is not a word I use lightly. My mom will leave early tomorrow morning. In the time that she’s been here, I have had no alcohol, I exercised, and I’ve stayed within my weekly points (weigh-in day tomorrow!). I used to use her visits as an excuse to overeat and overdrink. But not this time. And it’s so nice to not feel like crap!
Today, I painted our master bathroom. Wait, I’m sorry, what? Who is typing this? Oh wait it really is me. And this is a picture of our bathroom, which my husband has been painstakingly renovating for the last year in free time he does not have. Being able to help him, and painting a room for the first time in my life, was so empowering. And fun! And there is no way I could have done it – or even would have wanted to do it – if I had been hungover for the last two days. It was a ton of work, and I’m tired now. But I continue to be amazed at my increased energy and productivity sans booze.
As for my mom, it’s been a breakthrough weekend of a different sort for her. Because she knew we had house projects on our weekend agenda, she took our kids out by herself for the first time. They spent almost all day at the Natural History Museum today and had a blast.
Instead of tucking into our second bottle of wine and watching TV we won’t remember, my mom and I are going to spend the evening browsing light fixtures for her new apartment. This is the beginning of a new era for our family and it feels so good.
“All you have to do is make the choice to let go of everything you’re so attached to that’s not serving you and manifest the reality that you want. Life is an illusion created by your perception, and it ca be changed the moment you choose to change it.” – Jen Sincero, You are a Badass
Easier said than done of course.
But I bossed up and let go of two biggies today, and now I’m taking a moment to kick self-judgement to the curb and fully absorb feeling proud of myself.
What were the two gnarly buggers I quashed?
“I can’t workout in the afternoon because I’m too tired.”
Buh-bye! Thanks to the Peloton ride with the #ww_warrior crew, I proved to myself that I can not only survive a 3:30pm workout, I can set a new PR (personal record) doing it! Being back on track (both with diet and exercise) really makes a difference and I experienced that first-hand today.
“I can’t be alcohol-free around my mom without white-knuckling it.”
See ya, white knuckles! Admittedly, last night (the first night of her visit) was tough. I felt tense and insecure. But I got through it, and made sure to prioritize my workout and having a blue dot day today. Achieving those things made me feel so damn good that there was not an ounce of FOMO as I poured my Fresca Zero tonight.
I am still a work in progress. We all are. And I can easily overwhelm myself with all the things I want to change. But right now I’m just so completely grateful to be able to celebrate these wee triumphs with a clear head, tired legs, and a full heart.
Another Dry January day, another challenge ahead, another milestone to achieve.
My mom – who joined Weight Watchers with me last March and has lost 50 pounds! – is coming to visit us for the weekend. And we love drinking wine together (hence the personalized wine glasses). She is extremely supportive of my Dry January journey, but that doesn’t change the fact that tonight, one of these glasses will be filled with flavored seltzer on the rocks and the other will be filled with vodka and diet tonic on the rocks. (I did tell her not to bring any wine, so she’ll have vodka instead.)
I adore my mom and I must admit I adore our drinking routine. But I also recognize that I drink way too much when she is with us and so I am trying to remind myself how great I am going to feel all weekend. (I hope.)
I’m also curious how this weekend will play out. I am determined not to drink alcohol of course, and confident that I can stick to it. Hoping for some grand revelation about how much better my mom’s visits are when we don’t polish off two bottles of wine every night. Which I know must sound silly to those of you who have been alcohol-free for longer than 12 days. But it’s still not obvious to me. I’m still pining for it. Wish I weren’t. And I’ll settle for pining over white knuckling. But I wish I weren’t pining at all.
Bottom line: wish me luck, and fingers crossed for little to no FOMO and increased patience and love.
TGIF and TGIWFLCT (thank goodness I won’t feel like crap tomorrow)!
I started my day jolted awake from a booze-imbibing anxiety dream (just a dream, didn’t drink the booze, didn’t know this was a common thing! Yikes!) and that sort of set the tone for the day. Everything about the day was off. And this off day culminated in a dinner out at what used to be one of my favorite restaurants because they are very generous with their wine pours. However, without my huge–ass glass of Sauvignon Blanc, the food seemed only so-so and worth neither the boatload of smart points nor making my kids 20 minutes late for bath and bedtime. I’m tired, I feel gross after eating a sub-par dinner, and I just feel fried. I wasn’t tempted to drink so much (because I am a rule-follower after all) but I definitely was missing it tonight. Very eager to not miss wine and I don’t know if I ever won’t. But I made it through, and tomorrow is a new day with new points and new opportunities – and hopefully no anxiety dreams tonight!
Maybe it’s because we are now into double digits that I’ve been thinking a lot about numbers today. I am also on track to do five workouts for the second consecutive week, which is unheard of for me. But it will happen! Woohoo!
The other number I’ve been pondering is the number of booze points I am saving. I estimate I averaged about 15 wine points per day before Dry January. Sure, some days I limited myself to one glass. But other days I had four. And I regularly drank an entire bottle in a night. So for every 7 point wine day there was a 21 point wine day. 21 points!! I only get 23 points daily on Weight Watchers’ Freestyle program! Even though it was only 11 days ago that I was stuck in this unhealthy routine, I am already shocked by how much I drank. 105-ish points per week. YIKES. Some days I ate less to save points for wine. Other days I went way over my dailies and I often went way over my weeklies. Ugh.
This Naked Mind is obviously resonating with me. I think I will keep coming back to this, throughout this month and beyond: “Forgive yourself. You are the hero of the story. There is no reason to dwell on the negativity of the past and every reason to forgive yourself. Look forward to an incredible future.”
And a hell of a lot more points!