This sweet powerhouse of a girl turns SIX tomorrow. And because I have made the choice – conscious of that word I just typed – to have a Dry January, I am going to wake up with a clear head and be able to fully absorb her first moments as a six year old. If I had not made this choice, I would have relied on my trusty bottle of Sauv B or multiple margaritas to get me through gift wrapping tonight. I would be going to bed with the room spinning and waking up feeling nasty and ashamed. Instead, I conquered another Dry January milestone – a booze-free dinner out – and got the wrapping done without an energy crash (thank you Freestyle for the free protein!). This has NOT been easy and I am still processing what it all means to me, but I can say without hesitation that I am proud. And relieved. And oh so ready for tomorrow.
I was expecting to hit the hay tonight feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t get to drink. I can’t remember the last Friday night when I didn’t have several glasses of wine, so staying sober was a big milestone in this Dry January journey. But I DID IT. And it occurred to me, as I was wiping down the kitchen counter and turning off the light to come up to bed – that this is the time of night when the buzz would start wearing off and the guilt would start setting in. “Why did I drink so much? I went so far over my daily points! I feel so fat. I’m going to feel like crap tomorrow. How am I going to get through the day?” Etc etc etc until I would conk out in a haze and likely wake up sometime in the middle of the night dehydrated and soaked with sweat. Gross. I miss wine. But I don’t miss the guilt. Or the gross. So while I did dawdle a bit at my own pity party tonight, I didn’t stay long. Mama’s got better things to do.
Day 4 is in the books, thankfully! (Clearly our Frenchie is as relieved to see the end of this day as I am.) Due to the bomb cyclone I was definitely “white knuckling” my way through this long-ass cabin-fevered day. But! I made it. No booze and I stayed within my points (saving up my weeklies to celebrate my daughter’s 6th birthday this weekend!). I was also productive, present, and patient with my crazed kiddos, and I know when I wake up tomorrow I will be so grateful that I was so strong today. One day at a time, and this behemoth is DONE.
If not a happier hour, at least a healthier hour. Nobody panic, that’s seltzer in the glass!
I felt triumphant today with my increased energy and clearer head (so clear! Omg! But that’s for another post). And then the witching hour struck. And my kids were complete twerps. I wanted wine. I felt tired and hangry and overwhelmed with everything I had to do and defeated by my kiddos who were out of their minds (and also tired and hangry). On any night of 2017 (or 2016 or 2015 for that matter) I would have “treated” myself to a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Tonight, once my children were fed and magically transformed back into the world’s greatest little human beings again, as I chopped some butternut squash to roast, I treated myself to a moment of reflection instead. I felt bad for yelling at my kids. I felt relieved that it wasn’t just the wine that made me yell at them before. I felt happy that the kids and I talked through why I lost my patience and they ate a healthy dinner with no whining. I felt proud that I overcame the urge to open a bottle of wine tonight and marveled at how easy it was. I am delighting in the clarity of the last few days and I feel like I am reintroducing myself to myself. Most of all I am grateful for this Connect community. I may not personally know those of you who are on the dry January journey, but just knowing you’re there is everything.
Returned from the battlefield that is dinnertime with my vegetable-averse threenager and still have bath and bedtime to go, plus a sink full of dirty dishes to look forward to. But my glass is full of cucumber watermelon seltzer and that is a HUGE non-scale victory for me!
Oh wait, no I didn’t! Because I slept like an absolute rock until my alarm went off at 5:45 so I could make my 6am spin class. Dry January Day 1 was a success! Although I felt tired, waking with a clear head was such a relief. Today will be a challenge because it’s my first solo sober witching hour since before the holidays. But I’m feeling so motivated. Just gotta keep this momentum going! Congrats to all of us who are committed to a dry January for getting through the first day!
I was VERY hesitant to step on the scale this morning but I’ll take a 4lb holiday gain! I thought it would be much worse. So excited to face 2018 head on, 20lbs lighter than I was this time last year and more determined than ever to get back to goal and embrace maintenance instead of fighting against it. Happy New Year!
The wine glass is in the dish rack, and will be packed away with the rest of the Christmas dishes tomorrow. There is no more open wine in my house. And I must say, I am more excited to start my first dry January tomorrow than I was to drink my last sips of wine tonight. And that is thanks to all of you here who have shown me camaraderie and support as I attempt something that is a huge personal challenge for me. Bring it, 2018! I’m ready!