I did it!
I drank one glass with dinner and poured the rest of the open bottle down the drain. No more open bottles around the house for the foreseeable. This is good.
Having the glass with dinner was good for me in a few ways:
- It helped soften the blow of “wasting” this wine, as I am still at the beginning of the process of retraining my brain to understand that it is better to have it go to waste in my drain than in my body;
- It confirmed for me what I experienced on Sunday, that drinking is just not as pleasurable as I perceived it to be (though no sneezing this time); and
- I was able to observe how, after drinking, I just wanted to keep eating and started craving crap – how on earth would I ever have reached my goals if I had kept drinking the way I was before Dry January?!
And of course having this glass of wine was bad for me too:
- I felt instantly dulled and sluggish;
- I didn’t like the taste; and
- I lost self-control and ate too many bites of my hubby’s sesame chicken takeout AND had dessert, busting into my weeklies and losing my blue dot today.
So. Lessons learned, the wine is gone, and tomorrow is a new day.
So I had a glass of wine at our neighbors’ house yesterday. I had pre-tracked two glasses, but stopped after one. What an interesting experience it was! The first few sips were delightful. And then I started sneezing. And I didn’t stop sneezing for several hours! I ended up finishing the glass more out of curiosity than desire. And I had absolutely no desire for that second one.
What a gift it is to be able to begin to understand this process. The first few sips felt delightful because of the dopamine that my brain released in anticipation of having this “treat” – not just the wine itself, but being able to drink with my best friend after five weeks of abstaining.
The sneezing I actually can’t explain though I think it must be connected. I did a quick Google search this morning and found a couple of articles about the fact that histamines exist in wine, but nothing about an allergic reaction being instantly triggered like I experienced. I suppose there’s a chance it was not connected to the wine but I was not sneezing before drinking that glass, and the sneezing is gone today.
Once that initial dose of dopamine wore off, about 1/3 of the way through the glass, I keenly felt my dulled senses. I felt less excited. Less clever. Less happy. Off-kilter. More dehydrated. Slow. Gross.
It is hard to think about how far I let myself fall before committing to Dry January. To have witnessed the effect that one glass of wine had on me last night and then to think about the fact that I was drinking 3 to 4 glasses of wine almost every single night… It makes me sad. To say the least.
Still so much to process and ponder. The open bottle of wine is sitting in my fridge and I have no desire to drink it but can’t quite bring myself to waste it by pouring it down the drain. But why shouldn’t I? It will do nothing positive for me, whether it sits there and goes bad or I consume it. What’s $10 down the drain in return for empowerment and peace of mind?